tanya

Our teens share their advice on how they manage social media!

Use different user names for different social media accounts

Think about other people’s friends (friends of friends) because your birth family may be able to connect via them to your account

Profile picture - try using one that doesn’t have your face in, but something that you love or symbolises you.

Do not add people you don’t know. Ask yourself why they are contacting you? Quality of friends over quantity.

Think before sending pictures to people you do not know – the attention might feel nice, but people might not respond the way you want and you can’t ask for the picture back!!

Seek support before searching for birth family – a trusted adult, someone else who is adopted, or a social worker who can help you think about how safe it is as well as your hopes and fears.

STOP and think before sending instant messages – w wall say thinks in the heat of the moment, but it’s easier when you’re not face to face with someone – once your message is out there, you can’t undo it.

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I know I have been very lucky with the contact I have had after I was adopted as I t has been super open, however I know this isn't the case for everyone. My mums have always thought it has been best for me to know everything they know about my story and my life, and it never crossed their mind to keep it hidden. They have always seen the letters as my letters, not theirs, and my way to keep in touch with family.

Its been helpful for me as I have known the basics of what happened to me and never felt disconnected from my birth family because letterbox kept me up to date with their life. I know they still love me, and have never stopped loving me, which has always meant a lot.

Also its been helpful for my birth family who have been able to see I am doing okay and they have been able to keep up with me and my life. As I grow up and hit milestones, they dont miss out on them as much as they might have done if there was not contact. This has been vital when I met my grandparents, as it felt like we had only seen each other the week before, all because we had only written one letter each year in October. The same with my mum, who before meeting her there had only been two letters from her, yet it felt like we had never been apart.

The fact my letter box social worker has always been open and willing to look into anything has been very helpful. If me and my mums had queries about anything she would respond quickly with the best answer possible and allowing us to arrange a meeting with my mum. They also tried to make it as easy as possible with the potential future meeting of my older sister by offering to meet with her beforehand, so she felt more reassured and comfortable.

Keeping in touch with other people from my life before adoption has been good. I am still in close contact with my foster parents as they are so important to me and like parents. They were there in such a key parts of my life, so great memories are not lost. We text sometimes to see how each other are and try and meet often, despite recent health issues. Also as a family we have kept in touch with my original social worker who was also the match maker, which has been great with the stories she has, and a great connection to have.

Overall to me it just feels like a massive family made up of lots of different parts and a lot of love. There are so many memories that still finding out about and will carry on finding about for a long time. I am thankful that it has always been open and up to me, that way it goes within reason.

T - Age 17

A busy spring for the Adopteens. In early May we attended the Family Justice Board conference on ‘Adoption in The modern world’ with Lord Justice Cobb, Julie Young from university of East Anglia and Mark Owers from Adoption Leadership board. Here we showcased our timeline and two young people talked about their Adoptions with emphasis on contact. In particular how support from their adoptive parents, social workers and others has made a huge difference to them in terms of identity; understanding and accepting their life story, having unanswered questions   and their satisfaction with their relationships with birth family members. Judges, Barristers and others who work in the family courts were very grateful to our young people for giving them lots to reflect on especially when thinking about how well thought out and supported contact can have such a meaningful impact on families.

Shortly after this Adopteens attended the All Party Parliamentary Group at Westminster where a young person joined the panel to share their families experiences of the Adoption support fund, the therapy & support they have received and give the reality of what difference it has made. A more positive advocate would be hard to find for the impact is almost visible in how eloquently they spoke. In addition the panel were keen to hear about school experiences & other areas that the young person felt could be improved. Feedback was exceptional and we are now waiting to hear what next! 

And to end May, two members of Adopteens sat on a One Adoption interview panel for the recruitment of a service level manager, where they devised their own questions and had a impact on the final appointment. They certainly made the candidates work hard, if not sweat a little. 

'If you want to know how young people in care feel, its not through an evaluation form, not through a system of committees. Get them to write poetry.’ Lemn Sissay, 2015

I am adopted.

I am one of millions,

Hundreds, thousands,

Maybe even billions.

It can make you feel sad or happy;

Or more complex feelings,

Like withdrawn or snappy.

Our stories are all different,

They’re never set in a straight line.

Sometimes parents just can’t care for us,

Are hurt,

or committed crime.

When you are adopted,

People act as if you are different.

They talk behind your back,

And give you different treatment.

When you are adopted,

Life is full of laughter.

But then you look back and think,

“Have I a happy ever after?”

Sometimes we get bullied,

And this is really hard.

None of it’s your fault,

But you take it to heart.

People don’t understand, that that’s too close to home;

You start to isolate yourself,

To be safe, is to be alone.

Some people build walls,

Big, strong, safe ones.

Huge and thick;

They weigh tons and tons.

But these walls, you see,

Aren’t to keep people out.

They’re to see who cares,

To knock them about.

A few people I know,

Have knocked my wall down.

They are the people,

Who will never,

ever let me down.

 Do you know someone who has built a wall?

How big is the wall?

Is it ever so tall?

Will you knock down the wall,

Give your heart as a home?

To make sure that person, Is never alone?

We are not so different,

You and me.

I am human,

I have feelings,

Can’t you see?

Just because I’m adopted,

 Doesn’t mean I’m different.

I’m just like any other person,

Please, don’t give me different treatment.